6/25/08
A Study in Contrast
By: Wes Fontaine
Al Gore’s intrawebs are afire with the news of the latest chapter in the saga that is the University of Alabama’s fight to escape oppressive legal rule. It seems that the boys in blue take a dim view of the efforts of the boys in crimson to horn in on Tony Montana’s turf. Jimmy Johns, running back-turned-linebacker for the Tide, has been arrested and charged with five counts of distributing cocaine (among various other, lesser, charges). Johns’ arrest brings the offseason total of arrests for the Tide to a nice, round 10. That’s 10 Bama players cuffed and stuffed under Nick “The Disciplinarian” Saban this year alone. In addition to Johns' career as a street-pharmacist, it seems he's determined to follow Mike Vick's sterling example: he raises and sells pit bulls. No kidding, just dial up www.jimmyjohnspitbulls.com on the old C-64 and be amazed. He has not, to date, been connected with dog fighting, but he's in the same zip code. Someone better versed in the Byzantine NCAA regs can tell me whether or not the side business (which clearly leans heavily on Johns' status as a member of the Alabama football team as a marketing tool) constitutes a violation or four.
I have only the most limited and superficial knowledge of the NCAA rules, but I'll take a stab at answering my own inquiry. A quick google search provided these seemingly applicable rules:
12.5.2.1 Advertisements and Promotions After Becoming a Student-Athlete.
After becoming a student-athlete, an individual shall not be eligible for participation in intercollegiate athletics if the individual:
(a) Accepts any remuneration for or permits the use of his or her name or picture to advertise, recommend or promote directly the sale or use of a commercial product or service of any kind; or
(b) Receives remuneration for endorsing a commercial product or service through the individual's use of such product or service.
12.4.4 Self-Employment. A student-athlete may establish his or her own business, provided the student-athlete's name, photograph, appearance or athletics reputation are not used to promote the business.(Adopted:12/12/06)
It would appear, to my under-educated eyes, that Johns has clearly forfeited his eligibility if the website is, in fact, authentic. The question remains: What liability, if any, does Bama have in this scenario?
Tide apologists (read: crimson-clad trailer dwellers) will howl that Johns is a Shula recruit to anyone bold enough to lay blame for Johns’ activities at the feet of his head coach and ostensible parent figure. Chew this like it is fine Skoal Wintergreen, my mesh-cap wearing neighbor: EVERY PLAYER ON THE BAMA ROSTER IS A DE FACTO SABAN RECRUIT. When St. Nick arrived at the Crap…er, Capstone…he was charged with evaluating the team and dismissing all non-hackers, among various other HC duties. Each player was reviewed and either dismissed or retained based upon whatever criteria Saban chose to employ. Thus, the players who remained on the roster following this evaluation period passed Saban’s muster and can rightfully be referred to as Saban’s recruits/players.
The message boards (obviously known for their veracity and strict journalistic standards) are burning with stories of Johns’ reputation as the Prince of Powder. It was, by these unverified accounts, well-known that Johns was the man to see if you wanted to stay up for three days or begin the Lindsay Lohan diet program. If these stories are to be believed, and I leave it to you, dear reader, to place whatever weight you choose on these tales, Saban was either willfully blind to his players’ off-field activities or he has had his head firmly planted in his colon for the past 18 months.
The win-at-all costs mentality that trickles down from the wealthiest booster, through Mal(function) Moore’s office and right into St. Nick’s office has reared its head again. The bad apples (cough…DJ Hall…cough) were retained because they were skilled players, necessary to Saban’s directive to win games, win now, and beat Auburn. Saban, to his very limited credit, has dismissed Johns from the team. That decision was hardly in Saban’s hands, however, since the University took the lead and dismissed Johns from school prior to Saban's "swift" justice. As he was no longer a student at UA, Johns could not possibly be a member of the football team. However, even if you overlook the fact that Saban's announcement of discipline was as impotent as Bob Dole, a blind, lead paint-munching, orangutan could see that the PR nightmare, as bad as it is now, would have been catastrophic had Johns merely served a perfunctory suspension (LaMonroe and DJ Hall, we’re looking at you!).
The turmoil and chaos in Tuscaloosa stands in stark contrast to the atmosphere across the state in Auburn: Tommy Tuberville has filled more than half of his ’09 class of recruits, the team is engaged in summer workouts and drills, and there has been nary a peep of legal incident for any player, coach or alum (shout-out to the Snake!). These are days of hard work and sacrifice for the men in orange and blue and these efforts will produce fruit on the playing field this autumn. Their counterparts in Tuscaloosa are engaged in some pre-season activities of their own, but the fruit borne of the crimson effort is destined to be rotten and suitable only as slop for the pigs.
Welcome
6/13/08
No sympathy for old men
The old man with white hair sat on the side of the four lane highway. Despite being bald on top, he kept his hair long and it blew around his face in the midnight breeze. In his lap he held a handgun. Actually it was more of a hand cannon, the size of which would do Dirty Harry proud. In his left hand the old man held a single shell. At the sound of an approaching car, the old man picked up the hand cannon, flipped out the chamber and carefully placed the shell in one of the cylinders. With a flourish he spun the chamber and with a flip of the wrist, he snapped the weapon closed. Which cylinder held the shell? The old man didn't know. Not his problem. As the vehicle came into range, the old man raised his weapon and aimed. Eyes closed, he squeezed the trigger. Click. Sometimes he'd rip off several in succession. Click. Click. Click. Ocasionally he'd put the weapon to his own head just for a change of pace. Still no explosion. Although he'd been out in the night aiming and firing numerous times, his weapon had yet to discharge. Oh, he'd been arrested and cited for reckless endangerment before, but the old man could not resist the lure and eventually found himself back in the same situation, loading and unloading the weapon, taking the lives of himself and others into his hands.
On Monday morning, Kenny Stabler’s disheveled visage stared fuzzily out of countless newspapers, websites and blogs. The Robertsdale police department snapped Stabler’s mug after the former Alabama and NFL quarterback was arrested and charged with reckless driving and driving under the influence. Stabler was pulled over after midnight Sunday and refused to take a breathalyzer test prior to his arrest. It was the third DUI charge since 1995 leveled against Stabler, who is currently employed as a color analyst for the Alabama football network. Stabler might as well have been sitting on the side of the road playing Russian Roulette with passing cars. The only difference was his weapon of choice.
Stabler disgraced himself, his family, his legacy and his employer with his behavior. But the biggest disgrace came in the response by Alabama administration, Tide fans and certain media outlets to Stabler’s arrest.
University of Alabama Athletic Director Mal Moore issued a Monday statement that read in part: "Kenny has always been supportive of Alabama athletics, and it's in times like these that his friends need to be supportive of him.”
Steve Gowan, an executive with Learfield Communications, the company that employs Stabler said:"Our thoughts are with Kenny and his family at this time. In circumstances of this nature, our primary concern is for Kenny's well-being."
Alabama head football coach Nick Saban chimed in with his support for Stabler calling him a "great ambassador for the university" and expressing his hope that the arrest wouldn't have an adverse effect on his career.
Countless callers to sports-talk radio shows offered their support for Stabler, issuing such insubstantial platitudes as “I went fishing with Kenny once, he seemed like a great guy. He deserves a chance” or “Who hasn’t had a drink or two and decided to drive?” Others made light of his arrest with “Free Kenny” jokes.
All of these responses are pathetic.
Stabler’s arrest is no laughing matter. His proclivity for drinking and driving makes him a menace to society. Would Moore offer the same support and concern had Stabler picked up a loaded gun and begun firing at random into a shopping center? Would Gowan be so concerned with Kenny’s well-being if the former Tide star lobbed grenades along the freeway? Would Nick Saban worry about the adverse impact on Kenny's career if he'd been playing Russian Roulette with Saban's family? Because, frankly, there’s very little difference. Gun, grenade or vehicle, Stabler had a deadly weapon under his impaired control. Chances are great that the three times Stabler has been cited in the past 13 years aren't the only times he was behind the wheel in no condition to drive, they are just the only times he was caught.
Maybe Moore never awoke to the news that someone he held dear had been slaughtered by a “great guy” who took people fishing but slipped up and got behind the wheel of a car while under the influence. Perhaps Gowan never suffered the soul-shattering trauma of having a family member ripped from his life by a drunk driver. Maybe Saban never had to identify the mangled remains of a child after a "great ambassador" mowed them down on the highway.
In 2006, there were 13,470 fatalities in crashes involving an alcohol-impaired driver with a blood-alcohol level of .08 or higher. 13,470 families were destroyed because somebody like Kenny was on the street. This nation is in an uproar over casualties in the Iraq War. By comparison, less than 5,000 soldiers have died in the conflict since 2003. Nearly three times that many were killed in 2006 alone by drivers like Kenny.
In 2006, 1,794 children age 14 and younger were killed in motor vehicle crashes. Of those, 306 occurred in alcohol-impaired driving crashes. Crashes caused by "great ambassadors" like Kenny.
Drinking has always been a part of Kenny’s good-old-boy legacy. His alcohol-fueled exploits at both Alabama and during his NFL career added to his legend. But after three DUI arrests, it’s just not funny or endearing any longer. When people like Moore, Saban and Gowan coddle Kenny and don't insist on penalties that will, at the very least, get his attention and keep him off the road they don't help the former Super Bowl quarterback. They simply enable him. “Great guys” and "great ambassadors" don’t knowingly and willingly endanger the lives of everyone they meet on the street.
Stabler deserves prayers. He deserves well-wishes and hopes that he will take control of his life. By the same token he also deserves to be treated like any other serial offender. It’s time for Stabler to face the full consequences of his actions. He doesn’t deserve excuses, justifications, protections or praise. This is one situation out of which the slippery former quarterback shouldn’t be allowed (or helped) to scramble.
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5/19/08
Time for Auburn duo to shine in Seattle
By: Kevin Strickland
If former Auburn receivers Courtney Taylor and Ben Obomanu were looking for a sign of encouragement from the Seattle Seahawks, eed look no further than April’s NFL draft. Despite the departure of one primary receiver and injuries to another, the team did not use any of its picks on a wide receiver during the seven-round event. That leaves former Auburn second-year player Taylor and third-year veteran Obomanu vying for significant playing time along with scout-teamers Jordan Kent and Logan Payne. more
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4/24/08
You know what I miss?
By: Kevin Strickland
The occasion of my recent birthday got me to thinking about just how much things have changed in my lifetime. I was born before CDs, before cassettes, before even 8-tracks. Before Blu-Ray, before DVD, before even VHS. When we wanted to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas we had to wait for it to come on television the one time a year it was shown. I was born before cell phones. Before USA Today. Before email. Before the Internet. Before, even, home computers. I remember being shown a wall of whirring machines once that clicked and clacked and after a few short minutes spit out the value of Pi to 100 places. People cheered. That was the computer of my youth.... more
Heading Level 3
AU's List of Commitments (Thanks to Prowler for his Grillz Rankings)
QB
Raymond Cotton QB 6-4 216 4.7 Fort Meade, MD
(4 Grillz)
RB
Rodney Scott RB 5-9 185 4.4 Cross City, FL
(5 Grillz)
WR
Brandon Heavens ATH 5-10 165 4.43 Bessemer, AL
(4 Grillz)
LaDarius Perkins ATH 5-9 180 4.4 Greenville, MS
(3.5 Grillz)
LaVoyd James ATH 5-10 180 4.4 Williamson, AL
(3.5 Grillz)
TE
Philip Lutzenkirchen TE 6-4 245 4.73 Marietta, GA
(4 Grillz)
OL
Andre Harris OL 6-4 327 5.35 Hampton, GA
(3.5 Grillz)
OT
Aaron Moore 6'5 260 4.85 Bench 365 Squat 490 Centennial HS, Frisco, TX. (2 Grillz)
DE
Wilfred Journet DE 6-3 247 4.65 Wesson, MS
(4.5 Grillz)
DT
Nick Fairley DT 6-4 295 4.89 Wesson, MS
(4 Grillz)
Jamontay Pilson DT 6-3 265 4.9 Greenville, AL
(4 Grillz)
Terrence Coleman DT 6-1 244 4.8 Mobile, AL
(3.5 Grillz)
LB
Eltoro Freeman LB 5-11 218 4.5 Perkinston, MS
(5 Grillz...Possibly a 6th and a Pimp Cup)
Jonathan Evans LB 6-0 205 4.5 Prichard, AL
(3 Grillz)
Harris Gaston LB 6-2 210 4.6 Bessemer, AL
(3 Grillz)
DB
Travante Stallworth ATH 5-10 180 4.4 Leesville, LA
(3 Grillz)
Congratulations to the Auburn players drafted in the 2008 NFL Draft.
| Quentin Groves | DE | 2 | 21(52) | Jacksonville | |||||||
| Patrick Lee | CB | 2 | 29(60) | Green Bay | |||||||
| Pat Sims | DT | 3 | 14(77) | Cincinnati | |||||||
| Jonathan Wilhite | CB | 4 | 30(129) | New England | |||||||
| King Dunlap | OT | 7 | 23(230) | Philadelphia | |||||||
Incidently Alabama had 0 players drafted...Oh yeah and Shaun Alexander was released by the Seahawks.
Heading Level 3
...Saniflush
What I learned in Boston
During a recent trip to Boston I kept having the reoccurring thought that “I could never live here”. After having this thought countless times over the weekend I began to wonder on the flight back to God’s country, exactly what had brought me to this harsh conclusion? What I realized is that I had a list of things that if your desire is to live in or around Boston that you should/should not do.
1. If you walk into your hotel the afternoon of your arrival and find a line to check in, you SHOULD NOT ask the Guido standing in the back of it if “he is in line to check in or if he is guarding the luggage” that he is as equally close to. You more than likely will get a “f*ck you”. Apparently Guido’s in Boston have no sense of humor. (they also apparently don’t know what soap is)
2. Once you have checked into your room and settled in you SHOULD NOT mix a bourbon drink and walk down the sidewalk with it. The local popo seem to have a bug in their collective asses about open containers. Of course they seem to have no problem with all the beggars on the street hassling people who are walking by.
3. When drinking at an establishment with others you SHOULD NOT allow anyone to slip on the wet floor while getting up to go to the bathroom. If they have no choice but to slip they SHOULD NOT do it while the bartender is watching because instead of getting the wet floor cleaned up they will cut you off under the pretense of you being drunk.
3a. If said person in your party has been cut off you SHOULD NOT take it upon yourself to buy said person a drink after the bartenders tell you that if they see them drink any of it you will be told to leave.
3b. When said person in your party has been seen drinking someone else’s drink by the bartender and your party is asked to leave all under the guise of your party being drunk, you SHOULD follow them down the steps out onto the street as loudly as possible ensuring that the other patrons know what happened.
3c. If you are the bartender/bouncer who has done this, you SHOULD realize that once said party is on the street/sidewalk outside the establishment you have no legal right to hassle them and calling the cops will only make everyone in the bar realize that you are a dumbass who kicked out mostly sober people because of you inability to keep a clean dry floor.
3d. If you are the party who has been kicked out you SHOULD take 30 to 45 minutes out of your evening warning all other people who are about to enter that establishment what has happened. If you are the bartender/bouncer you SHOULD NOT try to forcefully remove said party from the sidewalk while the popo is watching. This will result in said party being asked if they want to “file assault charges”?
4. At the end of the evening you SHOULD walk by said bar on the way home and hang the bird at all bartending staff for at least 5 minutes.
5. When you awaken the following morning you SHOULD NOT plan on eating breakfast in the hotel. You will end up paying $40.00 and not even get any biscuits and gravy. Go for the Duncan Doughnuts a block away. (in Boston you are never more than a block away from a Duncan Doughnuts)
6. If you are looking for really hot women in Boston you SHOULD NOT.
7. If you are a native Bostonian and you have made fun of a visitor from the Southern area of the country you SHOULD NOT let that same Southerner see you passed out in the men’s room and not expect to later wake up smelling of puke and urine. (your puke – my urine) That’s right jackass. We don’t got no indoor plumbing in the South. That’s why I didn’t know to hit the toilet instead of your metro-sexual pants and shirt. On a side note…If your shirt is not tucked in it is just a f*cking blouse.
8. Just because some folks from Boston were the ones who chunked the king’s tea into the harbor, a Bostonian SHOULD NOT think that this great country was created solely by people from that area. Southerners have been at the forefront of every fight for rights this country has ever been involved in. We love to fight. It’s in our blood and heritage. Always remember that Southerners had been growing corn a number of years before the pilgrims made it across the pond.
9. In regards to sports, Bostonians SHOULD realize that when people talk badly about whatever professional sport they are currently obsessing over it’s not jealousy. We really just don’t care. If it’s not college football, it doesn’t count. Game over.
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